What Happened

(Full disclosure: I kissed somebody else. Then, I had a few drinks and listened to Lemonade.)

I realized that I forgot what it means to feel safe when somebody holds me. I was wrapped up in him and me and you were so far from my mind. I can finally see the sky and you aren’t there anymore. Thank goodness.

[Written December 10th, 2016]


Life Update

Between the beginning of my second semester in graduate school, computer problems, and a slew of personal issues, life has been pretty hectic. I’ve been writing less often, but still a few times a week. But I don’t want the added pressure of making sure I have something to post every single day. For now, I’ll just be posting my writings as I see fit. Thanks for sticking with me through the ups and downs!

Some asshole invented stretchy nylon stockings that make me want to die.

Have you ever worn tights? These hellish, stretching bindings wrap around the lower half of your body in order to cover your tempting, devilish appendages. But nobody ever discusses how the waistband crushes into my torso just above my internal organs as they squirm and squeal in irritation. I’m wrapped up nice and tight like a gift ready to please. What’s the point of these fat-quelling beauty traps? Fucking nothing but sexual gratification and socially acceptable medieval torture, probably.

[Written November 28th, 2016]

Thoughts: “We All Looked Up”

“Beauty instigates possession.”

The same way that a dog begs for scraps at the table or a man sinks to his knees for a woman who isn’t his. But he looks at her, at me, like she is, like I am. Beauty cannot spit in the eye of its beholder for fear of destruction, for fear of having to face life, to face the globe and the moon frowns down at me as I destroy myself for the love of a man.

[Written November 26th, 2016 & inspired by We All Looked Up]

Brief Hiatus

Due to the stress of finals week and the holiday season, I’ll be taking a brief hiatus from posting on here for a week or two. Thank you to all my lovely followers for your support and kind words! Happy Christmas, everybody!

On Inspiration Pt. 3

I’ve given my (few) readers a glimpse into what fuels me creatively when it comes to music and words, but now it seems like it’s about time I shared some of my favorite films. Film, in my opinion, is one of the most difficult forms of art. It combines everything we understand in terms of creation and fabrication in an attempt to mirror reality. While not necessarily successful at portraying absolute realism, I personally find the art of filmmaking to reflect truth and the human need to create.

Cloud Atlas dir. by Tom Tykwer, Lana Wachowski, & Lilly Wachowski
“I climb the steps of the Scott Monument every morning and all becomes clear. Wish I could make you see this brightness. Don’t worry, all is well. All is so perfectly, damnably well. I understand now that boundaries between noise and sound are conventions. All boundaries are conventions, waiting to be transcended. One may transcend any convention if only one can first conceive of doing so. Moments like this, I can feel your heart beating as clearly as I feel my own, and I know that separation is an illusion. My life extends far beyond the limitations of me.”

Kill Your Darlings dir. by John Krokidas
“Be careful, you are not in Wonderland. I’ve heard the strange madness long growing in your soul, in your isolation but you fortunate in your ignorance. You who have suffered find where love hides, give, share, lose, lest we die unbloomed.”

Memoirs of a Geisha dir. by Rob Marshall
“Kindness we receive in our lives is not always enough.”

Atonement dir. by Joe Wright
“Dearest Cecilia, the story can resume. The one I had been planning on that evening walk. I can become again the man who once crossed the surrey park at dusk, in my best suit, swaggering on the promise of life. The man who, with the clarity of passion, made love to you in the library. The story can resume. I will return. Find you, love you, marry you and live without shame.”

Moulin Rouge! dir. by Baz Luhrmann
“The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”

Spirited Away dir. by Hayao Miyazaki
“Once you meet someone, you never really forget them.”

Across the Universe dir. by Julie Taymor
“Music’s the only thing that makes sense anymore, man. Play it loud enough, it keeps the demons at bay.”

About Time dir. by Richard Curtis
“I’m not taking my panties off for Scotland!”

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King dir. by Peter Jackson
“Do you remember the Shire, Mr. Frodo? It’ll be spring soon. And the orchards will be in blossom. And the birds will be nesting in the hazel thicket. And they’ll be sowing the summer barley in the lower fields… and eating the first of the strawberries with cream. Do you remember the taste of strawberries?”

It’s a Wonderful Life dir. by Frank Capra
“What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.”


On Inspiration Pt. 2

A while back I shared some of the quotes that inspire me intellectually and emotionally when it comes to writing. Of course reading will often push me to write, but inspiration comes in many forms (as it does for most people). Paintings, films, photographs, conversations…the list goes on. Music, however, is one of the most difficult things for me to describe with words. Sound overflows the banks of my mind and I’m incapable of forming short phrases, let alone entire sentences. Sometimes I’m able to reflect back on the feelings that grace my conscience while a song is playing, but it is so rare that I can count on my fingers the number of songs that have so deeply affected my psyche as to beg for description in paragraphs. Feel free to listen and share in the joy of these pieces with me.

Symphony No.3, F major Op.90 – III. Poco allegretto by Johannes Brahms

Michicant by Bon Iver

Giant by Matrimony

The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us! by Sufjan Stevens

Allen & Lucien by Nico Muhly

Orpheus by Milo Greene

Little Lights by Punch Brothers

Passenger Seat by Death Cab for Cutie

Prelude: The Atlas March by Tom Tykwer, Johnny Klimek, & Reinhold Heil

Promise by Ben Howard