On waking up to a panic attack.

Sometimes when I wake up in the middle
of the night
3am blurry vision and 4am
heart palpitations
I roll over and reach for your side of the
bed and my eyes snap wide open,

There should be a body here
I think and I stumble through my confusion
still trying to catch my breath
and
still trying to catch up to you
and
still trying not to let my chest cave in,

When I wake up in the morning
with the soft gray light of dawn enveloping
my skin and holding me close
I feel warm and safe and I reach over
and
I find what I expect
you’re there and your breath gently tickles
my face and it smells like morning
but you’re there.

[Written September 22nd, 2016]

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